The day before retaking GMAT

It started with a very positive morning, thinking that today is the day of winter solstice and sun is going to shine in my direction tomorrow onwards( how lame this thought could be) , after waking up to tensions surmounting my future and my incapabilities. Gradually with every hour passed the pressure started to build upon. The pressure to perform as I have flunked on various other occasions previously. Lot of contemplations running throughout the mind. Why did that happen? Even people with very poor grammar and verbal abilities have performed better than me, how did this happen ? Where was i going wrong? Did I eat something wrong? Was I on high sugar content ( flashback: read somewhere that high sugar content leads to some kind of secretion which reduces the ability of neurons in brain to transmit data at a speed much lesser than something which I may require tomorrow) Maybe I wearing something wrong, something that just Inversed-Feng-shui on me, bringing in negative outputs. Just yesterday it was that my GMAT prep totally shattered my hopes that I could score close enough to someone with such smartness. Don't mock on the smartness part, that came into light when few days back I acclaimed myself as “Above Average”. Everyday post that claim these two words have come to haunt me as being proud and haughty. Now, I have to vouch that above average people cant perform poor in exams held through out their life not just with any decision they make, why so ? Because they are “ Above Average”, period.

But still not losing hope as the battle is yet to be fought tomorrow. People say that the pressure on the real day is much more, but i have lived with that pressure for a year and now the last month it was as if I was married to it. I will be able to cope the pressure, i believe so. Am no big saint or some huge celebrity or a renowned sports person whose thoughts before the big day matters or even worthy for consideration but writing this definitely makes me feel like some hotshot,  who can make others laugh tomorrow after sharing this.  Everything on my plate is too shady and the only way I thought this pressure could be relieved is either by jerking off or writing, now you'll know the decision I took. Don't judge me for my previous sentence, am no good a writer or is my hobby blogging, I prefer watching dumb sitcoms and partying with my friends than writing such stupid monologues of my thoughts.

Speaking about preparations, I definitely feel more confident about taking exam tomorrow. I can ascertain anybody reading this that my preparations are much better than last time and even am no more petrified of the Reading Comprehensions. Attempting a reading comprehension seems like a penance for a sin which i had committed ages ago. Just every thing on my penance list (read topics for RC) on the test day is likely to be standing against a penalty kick of Christiano Ronaldo. Well how difficult it can be reading so many words and feeling like a dyslexic kid. Worst of all is the power of imagination, when I start correlating words with my real life or divulging my head to something totally irrelevant at that particular point. How can anyone stop this from happening? How can anyone attain such a concentration level? I guess this is tougher than obtaining Nirvana? Whom should I contact just today who can teach me to peace my mind out of all these contemplations may be help me to meditate for thirty minutes to attain my INNER- PEACE, I need Shifu - ( the master of kung fu panda), definitely he can help me out or may be smoke weed (definitely helps but I don’t and cant smoke, if u do smoke it as an awesome last resort for the night before your exams[for experimental and survey results contact personally]).

Cartoon Characters an Inspiration

Cartoons have played a big role in my upbringing . It all began with the fights with my sister over remote control that ended  with  me  watching each and every cartoon show with her. All of a sudden I became a cartoon enthusiast. We both were glued to the channel watching each and every episode of the cartoons we loved. In fact we loved them all and thus were significantly inspired from the same.

There have been loads of characters that have truly inspired me. A single character is very hard to choose but given the limitation I would always say Dexter from the Dexter’s Laboratory. He had a genius mind being a kid even though his thoughts were evil but at the end of the day he always saved the world. I just made him a combination of Dexter and the Power-puff girls.

Dexter’s laboratory instilled the idea within me to create and invent and fascinated me more and more with Science and what could science do. It made me inquisitive about space and chemistry as his experiments were mostly chemical based. He taught me that all are numbers and adds up to victory that made me love maths more.

Dexter’s lab made me lazy thinking the comfort what scientology can provide us with. He inspired me how to keep my sister away from my stuff. I guess thats all how boys grow up, to be secretive, sneaky and always searching ways to be safe from siblings. The best part about him was, even though his thoughts had evil intent  at the end he will definitely finish on a positive note imparting wisdom to always do good and be positive.

He definitely played a significant role that he reflects as my nick, my blogger alias and also a part of my blog name. But on an individual level the character of DeeDee who was always there to support her brother also left a deep impact on our sibling relationship, when at times my sister would influence my opinion significantly after getting on my nerves.

There are so many other cartoons that have inspired me such as Pinochio who taught me to be a real boy and not fake, Mowgli to believe how much a family means to one, Nemo and Simba to always be there for friends, Kung Fu Panda to be dedicated, Baloo from Tales pin to be honest, Noddy to be always a good person, Captain America informing the importance of environment, Superman and Batman always to chose the right path no matter what and to be always awesome.

“Its not who you are underneath but what you do that defines you.”- quote from Batman.

Dreamers v/s Realists

“You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one.” ― John Lennon

 It’s really strange that whenever it is time to have dead-still concentration a hallucinated dream runs through me. This dream leaves me reeling, flying and digressing me away from my mission, creating blur patches of visions on top of the-now-not- so-good- visions.  This has been so regular with me that now it has created an identity under my nose, where one continues dreaming and the other rebukes me to come back to real life,   so called ‘Senses.’

This society has been very well carved out in the above Diarchy. The only things is that we have constantly shifted from the self-reliability stance which used to define us as a society and have moved to organizational stances, where people are afraid to get out of their comfort.

It’s not just my soul but others too, who have always reprimanded me for being amongst the category of people callously termed as “a Dreamer”. Well it was a nice adjective used by the cynics instead of tagging me as “a fool.” Thus it left me wondering for real, what good happens being a Realist. Put into test let us see how a Realist fares in competition to a Dreamer. I guess it’s only then I can decide to change my Avatar from being a Dreamer to Realist or else happy to stay put as a Dreamer, as I have always been. 

1)      Realist: Giving up on the best relationship because there is not even close to the remote possibility of our future. People want to stay in the real world. Girls want to stay in the real world. They would never want to take a chance. They can take the sufferings in the name of realism.

(Who wins? Any guesses) Dreamers 1 – 0 Realists

2)      Dreamer: Working in a firm which has made him lazier than he ever was. Lost track of his time. Growing quicker than his age. Why? He is afraid to get out of his comfort zone and actually do something for the dire situation (read Gloomy Job), before the sand clock is just another show-piece on the table.

(Drum Rolls) Dreamers 1 -1 Realists

3)      World is what dreamers have created and realists have always treaded along. But this is not true to an extent. Dreamers have lived where realists have made it true.

(Tough round) Dreamers 2 – 2 Realists

4)      Realist: He wouldn’t buy something he yearns for. He would save for it, ponder over it and then again decide not to buy. As it would create a Crater in his Savings account. End result the desire heightens and dissatisfaction glooms until and unless he has it. But the years of dissatisfaction, all the cravings and the long hours of surfing, just glaring the product and not having one makes it all look so bad. Instead of this he can always walk on a rope without support if he tries to, justifying that it’s easy to stand up and fight when one is in trouble.

Dreamers 3 – 2 Realists

(END OF MATCH)

It was a close match of course Dreamers are a step ahead because they have already been there where the Realists are making way for. One can’t deny the fact that it needs both these fierce rulers to run this society as both are incomplete without each other. This makes me believe that I should start searching for the Realist within me as the Dreamer within me is never going to vanish. Moreover Dreams will just be futile if I cannot make them REAL. 

“There are dreamers and there are realists in this world, you think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not the opposite is true. See the dreamers need the realists to keep the dreamers from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists? Well without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.” - Cam, Modern Family

ADDICTION

It's strange how many kinds of addiction there are possible. It would have been easier if it were the cliched cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. But I guess its something worse. Well people may think otherwise. That's what brings in the motivation for the Addiction.

Often, too often things start as a part of life. We are happy with it. We enjoy it. We savor every moment of it. Its delectable. We don't even get to know that with every climbing day we raise our level of addiction and at some point it crosses the line. We get too obsessive, compulsive and out of our control.

But why this addiction? What do we want from it? It's the high we are chasing. The high that makes everything fades away, every other thing fades.One thing about addiction is that it never ends well. As the thing which was making us high starts feeling bad and it starts hurting, more and more with each day.

The hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean we get addicted for a reason, right? People say we don't kick the habit until we hit the rock bottom. But how do we realize that we are at the rock bottom?

Amongst all these I have realized that addiction no matter how bad it is hurting us, letting it go hurts even more.

Chasing Pavements

The silence is enthralling. I can hear the wind gushing by. The faint lights were approaching with a gurgling roar and putting the scene back into black sporadically. By this time, the dissonance of my transport was already in resonance to my system and was no more a trouble. The trees and mountains were as if humming with a constant pitch. The person behind, had been conversing with his love for about an hour. I’m not eavesdropping type but couldn’t just ignore the frequent acceptance of their love for each other. This definitely brings some smile to my bemused face and makes my eyes watery. The fellow passenger seems to have a tiring day and he took my shoulder as a sub for a pillow. I didn’t mind. There are many more things disturbing me and this barely has any significance. 

I have never been in such a situation; dilemma has been overpowering me since I took off. How will she react? What should I say to her? What if she starts laughing? What if she disagrees with me? 

I look outside the window; the moon has a beautiful shape, reminding me of my crazy friend who loves gazing at the moon, and the valedictory college trip. It was a beautiful journey and the fun we had is still unrivaled. It is all about that trip. That pact we made under a dim street lamp on a path to nowhere, just because we had nothing better to think and do. That moment of glory and freedom as our college was over and we all soon would be professionals.

She was the best thing that could have happened to me. Each moment spent with her was so amusing, and totally drove me nuts. With each passing day I felt I was getting locked up in the chamber of thoughts about her. I knew I was not going to be out of it. This unknown girl came from no-where and was already becoming everything of my life. We are so opposite. She is a typical Aries and me a Capricorn. We will never make a good match. She thinks so deep and I cannot let the kid in me go. She is so neat and me so random. She plans to meet me a week in advance and I agree to cancel later. She shouts, I apologize (Guys don’t have choices right). But there is this compatibility and understanding in being opposite which enhances the friendship.

A, S, V and me, we four were tied to this pact because of the romantic appeal of the place. Its serenity enticed us to come back here again. The home of Dalai Lama, his name itself makes it sound so appealing and perfect for the deed. We were supposed to be back here with our better half or girl friend or with the girl holding supreme importance to your life. A, S and V all three have found their ones. It was just me who is out of league, single and stranded waiting for a shooting star in my life. There is a huge Irony; when the pact was made, I was dating and all three were single and now, HUH!! The time is running by and everyone is waiting for me. Actually they are waiting for her to say YES, but no one knows yet that they are waiting for her in real. She is as much mystery to them, as her decision is to me. I cannot tell the world. Even if I say, that won’t be enough because I didn’t say it to her. That’s what I exactly need to do to be with her. 

She has a knack of having everything perfect in her life. From her cupboard to her attire, and of course the perfect husband to be. I am not perfect. I despise myself tonight. Why am I not so perfect? Why I live life so callously? Why? Being a free-bird was never regretted until today. 

There is no doubt in my mind where she belongs. I don’t need to think it over of being wrong or right. Is everything really meant to change? 

The only thing I fear is the pitch darkness ahead of me leading me nowhere.

!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM !!!!!!

Today is the 19th of March. This day every year brings unbounded happiness in my life. This day is the day of the person who is responsible for my existence. This person is the reason for giving me the best gift in the world, my sissy. This day brought into the world the person who makes me smile even in the most painful moments. This is the person because of whom I have grown up in the best possible manner. True, today is my Mumma's bday.

Moms play a role which straighten the undulating path to success for their children. This world wouldn't be so good and worthy to live for if your mom would not have taught you how to look ahead for the positive things in life. She provides you with eternal and uncompromised love. For a boy no girl can be as beautiful as his mother and no soul as pure as her. Albeit not being highly educated, she provides you with the wisdom of life. She's the reason you are alive.Sitting miles apart from my home, at my work place, with so many people around, I still feel lonely. I wish I could have my mother by my side because a hug or two could make my head stable and focused. There are various instances to cite which makes her the best person.

I still remember the parent-teacher meetings where she would go on and on about how naughty I was. In return she used to get a reply, "You have an amazing child who is really good in class". She was left spell bound. Even though she wants to appeal against it she doesn’t because she’s fascinated that her son is appreciated and she is the one who nurtured him. The way mom used to rub my tears when I returned home after getting an amazing wound in the field. The way she still spoon feeds me lunch when I return home for a short vacation. Nonetheless, she's the best cook. No one can make "MURI" ( PUFFED RICE) or Bhelpuri, whatever you are familiar with better than her. My friends are there to acknowledge this S, A, S, K and R.

It amuses me the way she gets paranoid about me having a girlfriend and then teasing me to the core the very next moment. She always says choose your girlfriend wisely and at least she should be more beautiful than me. With the widest grin I can say that’s really difficult. Because every time a friend of mine meets my mom, they say my mom seems to be my elder sister. A fellow passenger in the train totally fainted in awe. My beautiful Mom!

There are endless amazing moments with her and each makes me smile. Tiny droplets fill up my eyes with the thought that I’m away from her. I miss her and her hug and her food. I MISS YOU MOM. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! Thanks for making me such a wonderful person. ( Friends don’t doubt, see I am writing a beautiful post for her breaking my blogging jinx). Thank you for everything you have given me in my life. Thank you and thank you. Love you Mom. YOU ARE THE BEST!